Clean Break

Interestingly enough, the girl I thought I had a future with not only broke it off and put unrealistic expectations on our friendship also seems to have broken off our friendship. At first, it just seemed like a fight that didn't seem to make any sense since we gave each other happiness even as friends.

Shortly after being told we would talk in a week, she broke off communication and eliminated the 3 primary communication routes that we had with each other.

I was shocked but I have to admit it helped me realize even quicker that something just wasn't quite right, and that maybe it wasn't just me or the actions I took. Despite caring for her, I got over things even quicker.

Days later, I was looking for new women in my life and re-uniting with girls I have known even longer than her. And realizing that there are a lot of attractive people out there that I can have joy with and enjoy being with me.

So the Setback

I decided not to combine the one setback with the progress and achievement. No sense in a message getting lost. So, the setback is actually on the relationship side.

So, with the whole trying to change jobs and move to Miami thing I haven't had a huge focus on relationships. It just hasn't been a priority and I wasn't finding anyone I really found that interesting (Note: I have been dating but I rarely talk about it unless it's something pretty special). So, I've been maintaining a friendship with this girl who we had a fling together before. There were a lot of external reasons why we never got together but I didn't think there was anything wrong with our relationship.

I thought there were signs we were moving back towards a relationship. However, she didn't see it that way at all and the fact that I saw it a different way actually threatened our friendship. Well, what I'm wondering is "If it truly was a friendship and my friendship was valued, why was I doing all the work?"

Don't get me wrong. Let's try to forget the fact that there was a romantic interest there but I seem to be encountering a lot of friendships with the opposite sex where they expect me to do manly things like be the one to call, always the one to invite the other out, etc. I even had a different girl say let's get together sometime as friends...I told her, sounds great, why don't you call me and let me know...even though it was her suggestion, she responded immediately, why don't you call me? Ummm...didn't I just say that? Do you want to get together or not?

Anyway, I just want to say take a close look at your friendships. Are they mutual? Granted some of our friends may have busier lives than we do and sometimes there is merit in being the one to reach out 90% of the time. But, do we (or you!) make sure we're doing proactive reaching out a significant portion of the time? If you or me or they are never making an effort, maybe we're a bad friend, they're a bad friend or there's some area of improvement. Just a thought.

Again, this isn't to say this only happens with girl-guy friendships (although that is definitely an interesting dynamic). This is also to say...are you working too hard at friendships that are not being returned? and/or are there any friendships you value where you let the other friend do all the work?

Thoughts? Opinions?